Let Her Go
by RaisingGinger1025
Summary: "Letting go of someone dear to you is hard, but holding on to someone who doesn't even feel the same is much harder."


**If you all think this is Donnie letting April go, you're wrong, sir. This isn't what it looks like. It's something very, very different. Set in 2k12, I'm guessing. I haven't really envisioned which series this oneshot goes into.**

**DISCLAIMER: I DO NOW OWN TMNT. NICK DOES.**

* * *

The sun began setting peacefully in the distance, past the high buildings that covered New York, but April O'Neil had the perfect view. Thanks to her boyfriend, Casey Jones, she was able to see this almost everyday. It was the roof of an old apartment building, one of the highest in New York, but perfect for watching the sun awake and slumber everyday. Casey would let her climb on his back as he carried her to the top of a building, not wanting her to do the climbing herself. She would have been insulted had he not added, "It'd be rude of me not to do for my girlfriend, after all." She didn't think she was into sappy things like that, but she allowed him to do so. It's not everyday the crazy vigilante Casey Jones was actually considerate of her welfare.

They both sat up there, surprisingly both silent. In the chaos that was their lives, it was nice to find some quiet once in a while, reminding them that the world is still moving around and nothing's changed. The sun rises and sets everyday, like normal.

"It's so beautiful." April breathed, saying the same thing she did every evening they did this.

Casey nodded, glancing over at her. "So I've heard every single night this month. And the month before that. And the month before that." She shoved him lightly, and he humored her by pretending it had swayed him away from her pretty far. "The same thing for four months, babe. 'It's so beautiful.'" She laughed along with him. She really had said it every time they'd come up here, after they had visited the guys' lair. Not even they knew about this spot; it was just for her and her Jones.

Yet, lately, it's seemed a little different with the guys. When they first told the guys they were dating, they seemed happy. Leonardo had grinned at the both of them. He was like April's big brother, always looking out and wanting her to have the best things life can offer. Raphael seemed a bit indifferent, but had told Casey he scored a dame and earned a punch from April afterwards. Michelangelo had gushed, saying we seemed perfect, like a 'superhero mega-couple', but he occasionally glanced at his older brother, Donatello, when they all began talking about it.

Donatello. April's best friend. The one who saved her from her falls and had done that so many other times. When they had told him and his brothers, April noticed he seemed less as thrilled as his brothers were. Heck, looking back on the edge of that roof, April could say they all had _looked _at Donnie, who had a slightly depressed look on his face. He still offered her his famous gap smile, but it didn't feel as warm and cozy. It felt like he was hiding a million words behind his smile, a million things he had wanted to say. April felt like he wasn't too happy about her relationship with him.

A little part of her, one she often ignored, felt the same way.

Her thoughts were interrupted by an arm around her, pulling her into an embrace. "Everything OK?" Casey's voice whispered.

She shook her head, sighing. "No, everything's fine. Just thinking about everything."

"Everything?"

"Well, there's you, of course. There's the Kraang, my dad, my aunt, the guys, Dona-" she stopped herself, biting her lip so she wouldn't finish saying his name.

Sadly, Casey caught on. "Donatello? Ol' Donnie boy?" he asked, his voice filled with confusion. "What's wrong with him? Did something happen?"

"No!" she answered, a little too quickly. "Nothing happened. I was just...thinking about his inventions." She cursed quietly. That sounded _so wrong, _but Casey wasn't the brightest bulb in the shop, and to her luck he didn't catch how wrong it had sounded.

"That guy always seems to be hiding in his lab." he stated, looking down at April. "Has he ever come out before?"

"Well yeah. You've seen him out of there before."

"He always seems to be in there longer when I'm around. Heck, have you seen the looks that guy has given me?"

April shook her head, not ending their embrace. He pressed on. "He gives me these little glares. They come so fast, faster than my slap-shots." She heard him growl. "The nerve of him, and not even Raph notices!" Raphael and Casey were the best of friends, and they normally shared the same brains. Casey seemed so outraged he was the only one who noticed any of Donnie's 'looks'. "It's not right. Not to mention he always talks to you."

"What, am I not allowed to talk to other boys, Jones?" she asked defensively. "So I can't talk to Raph or Leo or-"

"That's _not _what I meant." he snapped, sending a small glare at her. "I'm just saying that he never bothers to talk to me, only you. And when he _does _talk to me, it's always an insult."

"I thought it was called 'teasing'." April suggested, crossing her arms.

"Well then he does a whole different way of teasing." April rolled her eyes. She had always dreamed of a sweet, overprotective boyfriend. What she didn't expect? A boyfriend to be overprotective when it comes to her _friends, _especially her best friend.

"Look, Casey, he's not mean. I guess he's still getting use to you."

"I met them four months ago, and they're still getting use to me?" Casey was now standing up, pacing along the edge of the building with his back to April. "Did it take them four months to get use to _you _April?"

"With Raph, yes." she snapped, referring to the hotheaded turtle. "But he eventually got use to me. Just give it time. If I know Donatello, he'll get use to you."

"Not in the same way. It's different with you and him." He looked at her. "Have you seen how he looks at you? Even before we were dating?"

April, once again, shook her head.

Casey snorted. "April, he looks at you with _awe. _He looks at you like you're a prized hockey trophy."

"Is a prized hockey trophy bad?" April now stood, hands on her hips as she stood face-to-face with her boyfriend.

He put a strand of hair behind her ear, giving her a smile. "Babe, it's not. You know what I mean. I just...think he's...well..."

"Jealous?" April asked, feeling the word settle deep within her, looking down at her feet.

"Yeah." he replied. "Jealous. Jealous of me, jealous of us." Casey took April's hand into his own, kissing her fingers. "April, I think he likes you."

"Me?" April laughed, releasing her hand. "Donnie likes _me? _Jones, have you gotten funnier? Donnie doesn't like me, he never has."

"Seriously? April, it's so _obvious _the dork has feelings for you. Even Raph mentioned it once or twice."

"That doesn't mean...why would he like me?"

"Because you're beautiful and smart and _mine. _Are you honestly that blind?" he slightly chuckled, stopping when he looked at April's face.

April, turning away from him, began walking away. "Don't deny it, April. He obviously does." April didn't respond, letting her dignity get the best of her. "And sometimes, it looks like _you_ have feelings for _him._"

April stopped walking, staring at a newspaper flying across the roof with the wind. "What did you say?"

"I said it looks like you like him too, April." For once in the four months they've been dating, April heard pain in his voice. "The way you look at him. The way you both laugh at an inside joke. My God, even the way you both _look _at each other!" April let his words sink it, breathing them in but never turning around to look. "April, even as we're dating now, you look like you're in love-"

"No." she stopped him, spinning around to face him. She felt the anger she felt slightly disappear when she looked at him, looking like a child caught stealing from a cookie jar. She softened her voice just a tad, just because. "You're wrong. I only feel close to him because he _saved _me, Casey. Not once, not twice, but at least three times has he come to my aid. I basically owe him my friendship. Not to mention it's hard to hate Donnie." She swallowed, feeling a sensation she thought she only had with Casey, how butterflies were in her stomach when she described him to the four turtles. Now, she felt it when talking about _Donnie. _

She pressed on, regardless of the feeling. "Casey, he's my best friend. But I don't l-" She felt her throat tighten up on the word, and she swallowed to try again. "I don't li-" She stuggled once again, surprised to find her breathing beginning to shake. "I don't feel that way about him." The pain in Casey's face wouldn't go away, and April tightened her fists so she wouldn't begin crying, holding back tears. "I'm going home. See you tomorrow?"

"Yeah." he replied in a raspy voice, the look still on his face. "See ya." She walked over and kissed his cheek, lingering her lips on his cheek a little longer after, before turning away, knowing Casey was watching her every move as she climbed down the fire escape. It wasn't until she jumped down into the empty alley and heard Casey skate off in another direction did she begin to cry.

She didn't exactly know why she was crying. Was it because she hated how Casey had looked at her, like a wounded puppy? Was it because she knew he didn't believe her?

_Was it because she knew he was...right?_

April felt guilt in her stomach, her tears streaming off her face onto the ground at her feet. Each teardrop puddle, in April's mind, was filled with all the guilt she had carried inside her. She had felt so excited when beginning to date Casey, but now she realized she had grown close to the purple-bandana turtle. She always had denied it though, in fear she would hurt Casey, but now he knew. The only thing April felt she could do was cry.

And cry, she did.

* * *

It had been four days since the talk on the roof, and April hadn't gone down to the lair or had talked to Casey. She tried avoiding him at school, only giving him a brief smile which he returned, but nothing else. She stopped coming to the special place on the roof, too, in fear Casey was waiting there for answers.

She tried acting like everything was fine, texting the guys 'I'm OK, really :)' whenever they'd text her with worry. She'd also add 'not feeling too well this morning' whenever she felt the guys were relentless with questions about her condition. She felt her heart break when she replied to Donnie's texts, not adding a smiley face to prove to herself she didn't love Donnie. She didn't have feelings unless it was like brother-sister feelings. She only hung out with Irma, but April didn't dare tell her anything and avoided questions about her and Casey's relationship altogether.

It went on like this until April received a text from Jones himself.

_Ape, meet me on the roof. _

_Gotta talk_

_-CJ_

She swallowed another lump in her throat and resisted the urge to scream, knowing that he was going to ask about her and Donnie. He was going to make her swear she didn't like him, and April wasn't ready for that. She remembered the sayings 'Follow your heart' from every romance movie ever made, even if it was hidden in meaning, but she didn't remember romance stories with the girl struggling to love someone who knows she loved another, wanting her to prove it to him when she couldn't prove it to herself.

This thought kept popping in her head as she made her way to the apartment, not too surprised to find Casey not there to carry her up. She thought of it as her punishment, and April proceeded to climb up on a trash, grab hold of the fire escape that she had hesitantly climbed on before, and hoistered herself up. She dreaded climbing up the stairs, hoping they wouldn't make too much noise so she would have time to waste. She didn't want to do this. She just didn't. But when she climbed the last two steps, there was Casey, standing up when she appeared before him.

"Hey." he greeted, watching as she stepped onto the roof.

"Hi." she returned, rubbing her arm as she walked towards him, stopping a few feet away. Silence stayed between them, only allowing the sound of typical New York City traffic to fill the air. It stayed like that till April finally addressed the matter. "So you said you wanted to talk?"

"What, we can't come here to enjoy each other?" Casey stated flatly, glaring at her.

"That's not what I meant, Casey, and you know it." she replied, using the same tone. She hadn't expected him to treat her coldly, even if April knew she deserved it. "I mean, what's on your mind? You said you wanted to talk, and I'm here to talk."

He sighed, looking at the ginger with a look of wonder. "I can see how the mutant likes you, you know. You're so beautiful."

She wanted to say 'thank you', but the tension in the air and her lost for words at the moment forbade it, and she just shrugged.

Casey continued. "April, babe, you and I both know what I was saying on the roof was true."

"Casey, please-"

"April, no." he stopped her, putting a hand on her shoulder. His oversized hockey glove covered most of her shoulder, and a dark part of April hoped the spikes on top of the glove would jab at her throat. She was tired of deciding who to love, and the dark part of her thought it'd be best if April was just killed then and there, ending everything. To her slight disappointment, they remained carefully distanced from her neck.

"It's true, alright? You _know it_ is, you _know it._" He repeated, looking directly into April's eyes. "I see it in the way you two talk, look, or even smile at each other."

She sighed shakily. "Case,"

"April, I may be stupid. I may be stubborn, or a screw-up, or just crazy." He then looked at April with a gentle look, a chuckle escaping his lips. "But believe it or not, April O'Neil, I know what love is. I know what it looks like and how I know it'll last. I see it in my parents, I see it out on the streets, and I wanted it here with us. But babe," he sighed, slightly shaking his head, "it's not lasting between us, I know it now. I don't deserve you. I'm not good enough. You deserve the whole world, and I can't give it to you."

"That's not true."

"Ape, I didn't say I don't deserve any girl, I said I don't deserve _you, _which only wants me to strive to deserve someone like you." he replied, slightly smiling as April allowed a small smile to play at her lips, quickly hiding it behind a frown. "But that turtle, that one nerdy, brave turtle, he does. You deserve him, you deserve better than me."

"Casey, what are you saying?" April gasped, hearing her breathing begin to shake.

Casey's hand that rested at April's shoulder now was at her face, gently placed on there so he wouldn't hurt her. "Babe, I think...I think we're done."

"W-what?" she whispered, closing her eyes. He

"I'm letting you go." He replied softly, pain yet strength found within it. "You belong with him."

April let his words echo in her head, realizing that Casey understood what April was feeling, and it left a bittersweet feeling in her stomach. Bitter because she felt awful that Casey knew she liked, no _loved, _Donnie even when she didn't realize it and now he was granting her permission to be with him. Sweet because she realized how somewhat smart Casey was, not to mention Casey even _approved _of April and Donnie. He hadn't disgraced her for being friends with them and he didn't sneer when he found her liking on of them. He didn't do anything she knew one of the other guys at school would do. He didn't taunt or tease.

He accepted it. He gave the OK for April to be with Donnie, and he let April go because of it.

April, finally getting some sense into her, found tears at her eyes, looking up at Casey, who offered a sad smile. "Casey, you're an amazing guy, alright?" She managed to say, wiping a tear that escaped. "You're crazy and, I'll admit, a bit of a moron," Casey chuckled, allowing April to reach up to touch his face, "But any girl would be lucky do have you. I'm sorry if I caused you any pain, and know I didn't mean it, but Casey Jones?" His eyes locked with hers, and April gives him a warm smile. "I hope we can still be friends, even if we aren't together. I mean, who else is gonna help you for all those tests?"

Casey chuckled, removing his hand from April's face. "I'd like that, April."

April nodded, grinning and finally letting more tears come down. She prayed that he didn't think she was a cry baby. "Me too, Jones." She removed her hand from his face, revealing to her a new battle scar on his cheek.

She smirked up at him. "Alright, Jones, where'd you get the scar from _this _time?" He laughed as he began explaining his latest adventure, while swinging around his hockey stick to reenact the battles.

April laughed along with him, a wave of relief washing over her. If she was really being honest with herself, she felt better they weren't dating anymore. They seemed better off friends. She hoped that he would always be there for her, because it felt nice knowing another human was going through everything. She especially hoped that Casey would always be this supportive and gentle, even if it's after a battle. April O'Neil didn't deserve a friend like Casey Jones, nor any of her friends.

But when heaven hands you a blessing, sometimes you don't question it.

* * *

**OK, so the ending was a bit of a cliché (starting after "April laughed along with him") and I kinda cringed reading it to myself, but maybe you guys will like it. I don't know; sometimes I'm my own worst critic. **

**So please read and review! And if any of you have any ideas on oneshots or anything, I'm all ears. Seriously. No lie. :)**

**-Ginger**


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